Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you have to choose: penises or morals?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize