Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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