Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
