I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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