i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Randomize
