The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
