I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
