tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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