He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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