The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
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