life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
