If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
