I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
