Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
