Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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