Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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