so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Randomize
