I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
