fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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