My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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