Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
