I'm lost and stupid without you.
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
my shit smells like andre
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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