Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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