The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
