Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
