Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
