the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
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