That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
