Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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