Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
