let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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