I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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