I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
wow bdsm is so cute
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
