I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize