In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize