I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
there is glitter all over my balls
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