Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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