dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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