Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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