You can't motorboat a personality
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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