billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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