R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
