butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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