I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize