im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
