The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
