There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
