Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
