wat bout pragnant strippers??
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
