dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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