everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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