The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
