i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Never underestimate the power of titties
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