it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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