I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
