So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
