When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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