What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
