Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I FOUND THE LEGS
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
