Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
