Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
