So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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