just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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