The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
