yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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