I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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