he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
