I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I have tasted many bathrooms
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
