I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
